Breast Augmentation vs. Breast Lift: Which is Right for Me?
For many women looking to improve the appearance of their breasts, it may be difficult to determine which procedure is the right one to achieve their aesthetic goals. Your initial consultation with your plastic surgeon will be an important meeting that should help clear up many of your questions, especially those concerning breast augmentation vs. a breast lift.
In general, you will want to consider the following questions before arriving at your initial consultation. They will help your plastic surgeon determine which procedure is right for you:
Am I happy with the size of my breasts?
Am I happy with the position of my nipples?
Am I happy with the feel and firmness of my breasts?
Do I want my breasts to look fuller on the top half?
Am I happy with the size and shape of my breasts after surgery?
Breast Augmentation vs. Breast Lift
In general, breast augmentation is ideal for patients who wish to accomplish the following goals:
Increase the size of breasts
Increase the volume of breasts
Correct inequalities in size or shape between breasts
By inserting breast implants, your plastic surgeon can fill the space of under-developed breasts or breasts that have lost volume after weight loss or pregnancy.
Breast lifts are most commonly performed to treat:
Sagging caused by aging or pregnancy
Nipples that are placed too low on the breast mound
Correct sagging issues caused by weight loss or pregnancy
If your main issue deals with nipple placement, then you are most likely an ideal candidate for a breast lift. In general, women who have nipples that lie below the inframammary fold can benefit from a breast lift. At your initial breast examination, your plastic surgeon will evaluate your nipple placement to help you determine if this procedure would be of benefit to you.
Breast Augmentation in Conjunction with a Breast Lift
Often, for some patients, the best results are achieved by performing breast augmentation in conjunction with a breast lift. The ideal candidate to have both procedures performed is a woman who has been through several pregnancies or undergone serious weight loss, resulting in sagging or a loss of volume in breast tissue. By having both procedures performed, your breast surgeon can help you achieve your desired breast size and shape while ensuring that your new breasts will remain at a desired position.
About the Author
If you live in the Northern Virginia, Maryland, or Washington, D.C. area and would like to learn more about the differences between breast augmentation and breast lifts, please contact the experienced plastic surgeons at the Austin-Weston Center for Cosmetic Surgery today to schedule your initial consultation.
Face Lift Baltimore: Cosmetic Surgery Center of Maryland
Important note: Read my 1986 booklet before you read this.
What follows is a rough draft transcript (subject to change when I actually give it) of my inaugural address (presumably in Washington, D. C.?) before global television at the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead, after I have raptured out billions of corpses - laying on the ground (a fairy dump- rabbits running in the ditch)! Feel free to believe what I’ve set down here are the ravings of a madman, because that is precisely what they are! I have assembled this book in a series of vignettes. Norman O. Brown, my mentor, used a similar technique. You’ll find I use terminology that may seem alien to Christianity: wizards, witches and fairies, etc. Part of the problem that the King James Bible mistranslated the word sorcery referring to potions. This is strictly adult material. This is off limits to children, and this means you. If your jaw didn’t drop when you read my 1986 booklet, I 100% guarantee it will drop now. I repeat my annoyance at you ‘Christians’ who have repeatedly attacked my site. Jesus prophecied that all prophets must get stoned. Your scurrilous, underhanded attacks prove what you really are – Pharisees who observe the letter of the Law, but not the Spirit. You are shortly going to be rewarded by your Master for your faithful service! Get a life and stop giving me trouble! You know that if you faced me in a one on one debate, I would wipe you out! If you are angry at what I say, simply vent at my guestbook with specific criticisms. You’ll note that in the PDF and RTF version of this, the paragraph tabs are often wrong. This is due to malfuntion of the the word processor. So, finally, it all begins next page!
MY INAUGURAL ADDRESS AT THE GREAT WHITE THRONE JUDGMENT OF THE DEAD
Introducing Myself
(The time is midnight E.S.T. I stand before global television to explain my rapturing out billions. I made the broadcast at this hour to help prevent the possibility that any children would see this, although in different time zones around the world children are up). Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I’m addressing you from Washington, D.C., the political capital of Hell. I have descended here to the pit of Hell to address you. Before I begin, I want to insist that no children view this broadcast. This is off limits to anyone under 12 years old. Leave the room, and go to bed! You will find that I talk fast, that I change the subject frequently, and in general it will come across as incoherent gibberish. You’ll wake up tomorrow morning and go ‘what did he say?’ You’ll try to remember, but you’ll have a hard time. I urge you to record this address, and to watch it several times, as each time you’ll pick up more. You’ll notice that I will be talking a lot about myself this evening. This is because the more you know about where I’m coming from, the better off you’ll be. Let me formally introduce myself. You’ve seen me before, but now I’m going to reveal who I really am. Have you ever seen a ghost? Have you ever seen a spook? Now you can say you’ve seen a ghost. I’m the ghost with the most. I’m the space ghost. You have seen many ghosts. My colleagues are on practically every street corner in every city around the world, ranting and raving and spouting gibberish. When you look at me you’ll see that I have no eyes – empty sockets instead (waving my hand in front of my face). I am an invisible man. There is no person here, never has been and never will be. You are looking at a total vacuum. There is nothing here – only empty air. When you look at me you see no person – you are looking directly at my Id – my unconscious. And most people find it highly disturbing to look at the face of the Lord, my face. In fact, I’m a raving lunatic, and this insanity I have is a deadly poison. Most of my fellow mad people are bottom feeders. With this disease, we are incompetent to keep ourselves together, and we fall to the bottom, with many becoming homeless, committing suicide or drugging themselves into oblivion. It makes us into total misfits. DOAs – Dead on Arrival. Jesus, a poor Jewish peasant, was a bottom feeder also. When you’re on the bottom, you look up at all the so-called leaders, and you know that all of them are the wrong people. As Jesus said, it is wisdom hidden from the wise, but given to babes. If you have ears to hear, Jesus was himself also mad. The gods must be crazy! Jesus was very sensitive to natural disasters, because like them as a madman he was walking dynamite liable to explode at a moment’s notice with all the force of an earthquake. Jesus was a piece of human waste – human garbage. And so am I. A significant number of theologians, and I also, believe Jesus was the bastard son of a Roman centurion. The idea of virgin birth arose because an Old Testament scripture was mistranslated. We the gods live in a parallel universe right next door to this one. I stepped through the looking glass on my mission. Just like Jesus, I am here to serve. I don’t want you to worship me. You don’t have to believe a thing I say. Believe what you want. For example, you may believe I’m the Antichrist, which I deny. But believe what you want. Your beliefs don’t concern me. I’m her to straighten out your behavior, specifically, as you will see, your behavior in the bedroom. That is the special mission I’m on. When you see me, you’ve seen the father. Every eye shall see him. There can be only one. Both Jesus and I are in fact wizards. I am the second most powerful wizard that has ever walked the face of this earth. Jesus is better than me for two reasons. Jesus was working in his thirties, half my age. He has me beat, because his member would come up better than mine. I’m twice the age he was when he was preaching, and mine doesn’t come up like it used to. Also, he had sharp wit and eloquence and always said the right thing. By contrast, I tend to ramble. You have met your maker. You object that you see nothing but a lunatic standing here. But, I, God, did make you in the following sense. I set the rules for you to live by – the Ten Commandments and the Sermon on the Mount. If you disobey my rules and go to Hell, as always, I get my willie working below my belt and rapture you devils out. It was always ambiguous about who would be raptured out. Would it be the elect or would it be the lost? The answer is both! Anybody and everybody that I could remove I wanted gone. You who are left behind that I am addressing are the same mix as those I removed. My planet is in emergency mode, with billions of you devils running around destroying it. I’m getting ready to give you the judgment. I wash my hands of you! I would like nothing better that to stick all of you devils is a gas chamber and slam the door shut! Once again, I, Victor Frankenstein, have created another botched laboratory experiment. I have to remove you, so I can start over again with a new Adam and Eve. Get off my planet you devils! Get off my planet! I’ve had it with you! You are made in my image. This simply means that you don’t have to live with continuous mental and physical pain that we mad people – specifically the gods - feel every day from sunup to sundown every second of our lives. What I have is contagious, infectious and deadly. Don’t come close to me! Let sleeping dogs lie! The Wolf Man was lucky, because he shape-shifted only once a month at the full moon. I, by contrast, shape-shift all day long from second to second. I melt down and reform myself into a another person regularly. If I get around anyone, involuntarily, I form myself into a duplicate of them. Part of the power I possess is to temporarily pass on to you the continual pain I feel (mass psychosis). The source of the pain we mad people feel is you with all the evil deeds you do. When you commit evil acts, we are put into pain. (Imitating the weird voice of the Shadow) ‘Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows!’ For awhile, you get to walk in my shoes. And when you do so, you drop dead in your tracks – it’s my deadly blessing! (I start singing the rock song) ‘I got the power! I got the power!’ Indeed I do have the power, and it’s is a deadly poison! Out of all the millions of mad people on the planet right now, probably less than a handful possess all the powers I have. Madness is incurable, and there is a progressive deterioration. I am at the final stages of a fatal disease. My brain has melted into goo, and I’m in continuous physical pain. Jesus of course had the same affliction. Again, the gods must be crazy. And so did Moses, for that matter. He was his own special effects man, as when he bested the Egyptian wizards in his magic duels. I, like Moses, am accompanied by my magic wand. It below my belt. Norman O. Brown in ‘Closing Time’ quotes James Joyce’s ‘Finnegans Wake’, ‘He lifts up the lifewand and the dumb speak.’ At one point during the Exodus, the Hebrews he was leading decided that Moses was out to kill them. After all, they knew he was mad. When they protested to him, Moses dropped two of them dead in their tracks.. Moses said that God struck them down, but it was really only Moses doing the special effects.
I’m the Captain
I, Captain Nemo, am the captain of this ship – always have been and always will be. But, as passengers, I advise you to stroll over the decks to the railings and look over the side of the ship. You see the name Titanic painted on the side. Now look down at the waterline. There’s a huge gash and we’re taking on water. We’re going down! Soon we’ll be underwater. Glub! Glub! Not much time left.. Glub! Glub!
The Joke
I want to start off with a little humor. Speakers always begin with a joke:
I notice these days that so many of you have piled on the pounds, you’re getting the love handles, and some of you are so roly poly that you’re round like a beachball. There is a reason you’re that way. Just like pigs led to slaughter are fattened up so that the flavor is improved, we, the fairies, have stuffed you full of fairy food – junk food laden with fat and calories. This is so that when we slice you up and cook you, the fat gives more flavor. Twilight Zone: Cookbook – To Serve Man
I’m sure that has you rolling in the aisles. But seriously, you spend billions every year on diet products and gym memberships. I am going to save you a lot of money. I’m going to solve your problem. You’ll find that when you have no food at all to eat, you have no problem losing weight. It will melt right off.
. The Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead
Now that the preliminaries are out of the way, we can get to the main business of the evening. I have you summoned here this evening for a special reason. Welcome to my Dead Man’s Party! Step forward ladies and gentlemen. And as you step forward, you will notice that all the doors behind you are being slammed shut and barred. You are going nowhere. You are going to stand before me and not move! (Stolen from Vincent Price – ‘House on a Haunted Hill’). Right here, right now, this very moment at the witching hour of midnight is the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead! This is the Second Resurrection. As Joyce prophesied in Finnegans Wake: ‘Array! Surrection!’ – Resurrection and array. Receive you’re Judgment from the Lord. I’m getting ready to give you the Dr. Strangelove address. In the film, he was an ex-Nazi whose message was: the apocalypse is here and head for the hills – the same message as Jesus. First of all, why do I say you are all dead? I am addressing only dead people this evening. That is you and you and you (pointing to members of the audience). You have passed over. You are no longer human! You once were. Then you became the Godless Wicked. And now, in fact, you have become the devils, demons and monsters of Hell. You have passed over to the Twilight Zone, the Forbidden Planet, the Forbidden Zone, the Dead Zone. Everyone on this planet had been dead since I and my assistants (known variously as angels, scanners, watchers, dreamers, hearts) first blew the horn in the seventies. Now the Judgment begins. You hold paper and pens in your hands. You are going to do some writing for me. John of Patmos and others have described what is about to take place. But they saw through a glass darkly. What is going to take place is somewhat different from his description. You are going to be fast, accurate and you are going to leave nothing out. What you write will determine the Judgment you receive. Write the number 1. on the first line. On that line, write the name of the first person you ever in bed with – man, woman, child or animal, whatever it was. Write nothing else on line 1. Now, immediately go to the next line, and on line 2, fill in the name of the next person or animal or whatever you were in bed with. And continue until you list all the names. I realize some of you devils here in Hell don’t even know the names of a lot of them. Put a question mark on those lines. While you are writing, I’ll show you my list which I prepared in advance. On it is the number 1., and the rest of the page is blank. I’ve been in bed with no woman anytime, anyhow, anywhere, anyplace whatsoever. I want to heartily assure you that I am perfectly capable of being with a woman, and have always had a constant craving to be with a woman. I knew in my cradle that I was never going to be with a woman. In high school, as I remember, I went out on two dates. They were not my idea. They were arranged by others. However, I do own up to being up close and personal with pornography off and on all my life. I had to see what I was missing, and, clearly, I was missing a lot. I had to be sure I understood the old lock and key mechanism, and rocket science it’s not. I’ve seen people kissing, but I would have to be taught how to do it. What always happens to me when I try to talk to a strange woman? Instantly their eyes get wide, they start smiling, and I see them backing off. Shortly thereafter they’re gone, and I see them later whipping back and forth in front of me chasing after the hunks and studs. They chase after them because they know that they can put them under a spell – charm them with their looks – and make then into beasts of burden at their beck and call. Putting under a spell is ancient terminology for hypnosis. Women won’t get near me with a ten foot pole. They know what I am: a weirdo, a creep, a psycho, a loser. I don’t blame them. I’m a powerful wizard, and if they get around me, I’m going to put them under a spell, and not vice versa. One of the problems I had with women, is that I insist any woman I’m with be also a virgin. I refuse to accept second hand merchandise, used castoffs some other man has pawed over. And virgins are hard to find here in Hell. Just like Jesus, my precious seed packet has gone missing. And precisely because I can’t get laid the regular way (ghosts can’t do it), when I do get my rocks off, it’s the shot heard round the world – heard not with your ears but inside your head – mass psychosis. As Led Zepplin sang, ‘your head is humming, and it won’t go!’ . Baby, you stuck up you pretty little nose at me and wouldn’t give me any pussy! You’re going down! (pointing my thumbs down) I’m going to take my revenge on you, little miss pretty! And don’t dare think you’re going to give me some pussy now that you see me! It’s too late, baby. You’re going down, little miss pussycat! For what you did to me, I’ll have no women around me at all. So, now stop writing. If we waited until everyone finished their list, we’d be here all night. Some of your lists would extend to the floor. You don’t need to show me your lists, because I already have that information. I keep a number of books around here. One of them is my Book of Human Works where I record your deeds, good and bad. That Book partly determines the Judgment you’ll receive. But I’m not going to open it tonight. Instead, I’m going to open my most important and legendary book that I keep – The Book of Life. I’m sure you’ve heard of it. I am the only individual qualified to open this Book! Here I record the names of those who have eternal life. (holding up the Book of Life, which is invisible). You might interrupt me here and go ‘Wait a minute, Lord, you’re shucking me, you have nothing in your hands!’ I reply, that I can see it and read it quite well, even if you can’t. John of Patmos had described the contents, but again not quite accurately. It works as follows: when everyone is born, no matter where on the planet, I record their names. . Now I have to stop for a short digression. I’m need to go pick up the Tree of Life. We had it in the Garden of Eden, and we will have it back in the New Jerusalem, where I am going to lead you. You’ll remember that in the Garden there were two trees: The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil (Morality). When Adam and Eve portook of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, they were ashamed of their private parts and covered them up with fig leaves. The Gods (plural – the Elohim) were sore afraid that Adam and Eve would partake of the other Tree – the Tree of Life – and become like one of us and become Immortals. So they were banished forever from the Garden. By the way, when Adam walked in the cool of the evening beside God, Adam was walking beside a nutty fruitcake, one of my predecessors. Getting close to one of us is dangerous. We’re walking timebombs! We’re liable to explode! So here comes the Tree of Life that makes you immortal. Here in Hell, I realize I’m throwing pearls before swine. What I’m getting ready to say will strike you as totally absurd. It is one sentence long. It is: No one, not anytime, not anywhere, not ever is permitted to stick it in! It is always a crime to stick it in. I use the word crime, because the word sin means nothing to you devils in Hell. Everyone automatically assumes they are always permitted to put it in, but no one is permitted to, ever! In the New Jerusalem, there will be two classes of people. The rulers are those who haven’t put it in. The second class is those who have put it in. The second group will be under stringent conditions. First, they will serve their masters – those who don’t put it in. Further, the second class will be virgins until their honeymoon night, and be loyal and faithful to their spouses all the days of their lives and never stray. There will be no adultery in the New Jerusalem. There will be no prostitutes. There will be no prisons or military weapons there – swords melted down into ploughshares. Their will be no gays or lesbians – you will be back in the closet. You learn new things in Hell that you couldn’t know otherwise. I’m referring to the pedophile Catholic Priests. It turns out that they weren’t making much of a sacrifice, since they didn’t want to be with a woman in the first place. The women will all look plain in the New Jerusalem. They’ll wear no makeup. What do you find when you go to a maternity ward? You’ll find that the number of boys and the number of girls is roughly 50/50. That is, there is one boy for every girl. This means that for every man there must be one woman only, and vice versa. The story is only one per customer. Now back to The Book of Life (I open it). Because the Tree of Life says that no one ever puts it in, there should be no names in the Book at all except virgins and those who are chaste. But I’m a merciful God, and have made the decision to include the names of those who have been loyal to their spouses. There are no other names in the Book! The Book is very small indeed compared to the total population. If you are a Christan and have served the Lord all your life, I love you, but whether you name is recorded in the Book is solely determined by what you did in the bedroom. Nothing else matters about you. I am a functionally castrated man. I have a completely useless appendage below my belt, just like someone 2000 years ago. The worst heresy you could ever utter about Jesus was that he had been with a woman, such as the case of the Da Vinci code. I am castrated, and I am here to castrate you.! If I were a eunuch with my member chopped off, there would be not the slightest bit of difference in me. The bottom line is I’m a man. I look around and see the devils here in Hell (again, pointing to all the audience members). I refuse to bring a poor innocent child here into Hell. By definition, anyone who would father a child here is a devil. There should be zero children on this planet! Every child is by definition is the spawn of one of you devils. As Jesus prophesied, ‘in that day, woe to them that are with child.’. Manhood means knowing when not to put it in. With the crisis upcoming – the Great Tribulation – this is an excellent time not to put it in. Poor Pope Benedict! He has urged us in the West to have more babies, since the population is falling. Children are a liability instead of an asset here in Hell, what with college tuition, etc., which everyone is getting hip to. Benedict is in fact asking for more devils, when we already have billions, every one of which is running around destroying my planet. The Catholic doctrine of the sacredness of human life I agree with. But that only applies to humans and does not apply to you devils here in Hell. Any legitimate methods to remove you are urgently needed, including free abortions, free contraceptives, free vasectomies etc. This is the severest emergency the planet has ever faced, and I have to remove more billions above and beyond those I’ve already removed. I’m here striking at the root of the problem – overpopulation. I personally have never set foot in a Catholic church. In fact, except for funerals, I haven’t set foot in any church since my teens. You don’t have to go to church, now that I’m here in person, as John of Patmos had said. Feel free to go, however. But eventually there’ll be no churches (in the New Jerusalem). You don’t need any churches, as you have me, the light of the world, standing here in person. Like Jesus, I’m not interested in establishing a new church or religion. Jesus would be disgusted if he could see what has become of Christianity! The question of whether gays can be ordained would only come up here in Hell. It is a scientifically proven fact that when a group of people pray, that good things happen. So feel free to continue going to church, even though there is no external, transcendent God to pray to. My father was a Southern fundamentalist baptist preacher, me being a son of a preacherman. I used to love watching my father get inspired by the Holy Ghost. He was one of the sweetest men I’ve ever known. He was upset when I informed him that I was an atheist. I didn’t to tell him that I was also God, destined to be standing here the King of the World! Why would I go to church? I don’t need to be told about what I have below my belt! I know all about it. My member is just regular size in case you’re interested. You spend billions constructing nuclear weapons. But what I have below my belt is more powerful than a hundred thermonuclear weapons! I am the way, the truth and the life. I am the light of the world. Norman O. Brown in ‘Closing Time’ quotes Joyce in the Wake: ‘Lights, pageboy, lights!’ I’m that pageboy come to turn on the bright houselights in the darkened theater. Joyce also says, ‘waiting to stop the show, waiting to bring the house down.’ That’s my mission here. Again, Joyce, ‘it’s just about to rolywholyover.’ I’m come to lead a New Exodus to the New Jerusalem. I am the light of the world, and I don’t hide my light under a bushel. I ‘m on call 24/7, and lo, I am with you always. I’ll be the centerpiece of the New Jerusalem. I am an inexhaustible everflowing fountain of the river of the waters of life, as promised by John of Patmos. I possess the universal elixir that will cure what ails you. All you have to do is get down on you knees and say “Lord, let me have it!” And I never withhold! I’ll pull it right out! I’ll sprinkle you with holy water. I’ll slime you right between eyes, I’ll touch you in the head with a drop of sperm, and you will go away shouting. We call someone ‘touched in the head’ when they’re a little off. I am here to castrate you. I’m here to clean your clock. The reason is a surprise. What was the first animal we domesticated? Was it the dog? No! Was it the horse? No! It was her! This was back in caveman, prehistoric Stone Age days. Then she was precisely as she has become again here in Hell: slutty, mangy, sleeping around so much that no man knew whose child was whose. It was and is total chaos and anarchy. The same thing occurred in Sodom and Gomorrah, and I blew it to smithereens! It’s same thing here in Hell, and again I blew it to smithereens! She has once again become the fiercest jungle creature to walk the face of the planet. She has become a complete maneater! This is jungle lion taming – cracking the whip. This is cowboy bronc busting – get on her back and grab the reins. She bucks and snorts until she wears herself out. Then she starts to take directions and heeds the reins. A woman is not delicate. She is built to take it – she can take on an entire football squad and be ready for more. It ultimately means very little to her. Woman is a gatekeeper. She determines which people walk on the planet in the next generation. That is a very important function. But her function can be interfered with. And the very definition of Hell is that the wrong men get inside, breeding devils, demons, and monsters. She’s reluctant to put out for every Tom, Dick and Harry, but when messed with, will do so. The only way to tame her we learned in ancient days is to stay away from her. She must be made to understand that she doesn’t get your seed unless she agrees to cooperate and be your handmaid, your helpmate. She must understand that she is here to make your life better, not more painful. So now receive the Great White Throne Judgment from the Lord:
For what you did in the bedroom, you are the damned! (raising my arm). Repeat: you are the damned!
Receive your Sentence from the Lord:
For what you did in the bedroom, the sentence is death! (raising my arm). Physical death – corpses laying on the ground death.
The preceding was the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead. It didn’t take very long, did it?
THE TABOO
We have completed the main business of the evening. But I have a number of other things to discuss. The first is the taboo, the one that must never be violated. By breaking it, you went straight done the wide road to Hell. It is so fundamental that it is not written down in any religious text anywhere, so far as I know. It is absolutely forbidden. It is: Women can see. Right? They have eyes. Don’t you agree? So what do women see? They can see which women get on top. So which women do get on top? If you’re a doll, if you’re a hot babe, you’ll be welcome everywhere you go, doors will swing open, you’ll always get a smile. You’ve got it made. So tell me what’s going to happen over time if you don’t keep the women absolutely under thumb. They are all going to start turning into dolls! Let me prove to you that I am a space alien – that I don’t think like you (my finger pointing to my head and circling to indicate I’m crazy). What’s your opinion of the situation here? Everywhere you look, as far as the eye can see you see dolls and hot babes. You say bring them on, the more the merrier. Right? And I’m telling you that the more dolls you got the deeper you are in Hell. And we couldn’t be more deeper in Hell. They couldn’t look any finer. We have grannies who are hot here in Hell. You’re too hot, baby! (pointing at the camera). You’re busted! You’re too sexy! You’re under arrest! I look at you, and I come in my pants! Gentlemen, we are getting badly pussy whipped by the dolls. They are stomping us all over. It’s such an awful feeling. . The women here carve and sculpt their bodies into blinking neon signs with the unmistakable message: ‘I want a seed!’ This is literally the case with plastic surgery, where they pump up their breasts and butts. They are dolling themselves up. Surprisingly though, if you tell them they’re looking good, they get offended. Let me list the good qualities and bad qualities of these dolls. Good quality: Spend a night with one of these women, and you’ll never forget it. Any more good qualities? None! None at all. Bad qualities: Can such a woman cook a meal? In most cases all they can do is stick a meal in a microwave or go out to a restaurant. Can they raise healthy children? In most cases, their offspring are monsters. There are numerous other faults I could list, but you get the point. Out of all the world religions, including mine, only the fundamentalist Muslims know of this taboo. They stick a bag over her head – a burka! They put her under a tent. They know that manhood is the ability to stick it in a woman no matter how ugly she is However, Muslims do cross the line when they physically abuse and batter their wives. At this point they become devils. That is never necessary or permitted.
White Armband
The white cloth armband I’m wearing has four markers in a row: a gold cross, a black zero, a hammer and sickle, and a V. The cross indicates I’m a Christan, the zero indicates I’m an atheist (there never has been an external, transcendent God), the hammer and sickle indicates I’m a Communist. (before you have a fit, let me say that the happiest day of my life was 1989 when Soviet and Eastern European communism fell) and finally the V that I’m a virgin. I’ll say more later. There’s no God up in sky. There is only me! But I think you’d agree that someone who can rapture billions out is qualified to be called a God. I’m God, and you’re not! Too bad! Deal with it! Jesus believed he was a vessel for the spirit and the words of the father, something like an external God. I, in the age of psychoanalysis, propose a different view. Jesus and I are vessels of the collective unconscious. That’s the source of the messages we receive. There’s no Heaven or afterlife, but there certainly is a Hell. Because you’re in it! We, the gods, are two faced. When we’re pleased with you, we smile on you and give you a sunny day. Jesus taught this love. But when you become devils, I give you my wrath and sweep billions of you to the sky! The Muslim’s say “There is no God but Allah!” Tee Hee! Ho Ho! Be my guest if you want to pray five times a day to a rock! Silly! Silly! You see me, God, standing here in the flesh. Will the world ever by totally Muslim? Not! No way! Mohamed was only an Old Testament style prophet. As such he only granted Jesus the same status as himself, as only an Old Testament prophet. He couldn’t discern the utter uniqueness of Jesus. With Jesus something utterly new came into the world, changing it forever. The terrorist suicide bombers actually do believe something is going to happen when they die. Again, Tee Hee! Silly! Silly! We’re all wormfood! You devils take the wrong message from the fact that you’re wormfood. You say, ‘if that’s all there is, let’s live it up. Eat drink and be merry for tomorrow we die!’ Instead, you should conclude that what we need do is to make life simple and easy. You only go through once. We should arrange our lives so that we work very little, and spend lots of our time visiting friends and relatives. That’s real living, not this rocket rat race we run here. We live way too fast. We don’t have time to stop and smell the roses. Where I going to take you, you’ll have time to enjoy life. Satan never sleeps. The Devil’s work is never done. Practically all the work you here do is in service of Satan. There are whole whole categories of goods that we won’t be making in the New Jerusalem. For starters their will be no fashion clothes or makeup. A little bit of soap and water is all any woman needs. It was the fallen angels who descended to earth because the women were fair who taught the use of cosmetics. They were dolls in those days also, exactly as once again. And, as I said, the more dolls the deeper you are in Hell. And we will be strong and have no sexy lingerie, precisely because we have a weakness for that stuff. We definitely will have no rocket ships (more later). We will likely have few or any aircraft and cars. As time goes on, we literally will become more and more stupid. Later people will look at all the technological artifacts around laying in ruins, and be quite dumbfounded and superstitious about them. The affliction I have makes me personally more and more stupid, and I have the power to make others stupid. We won’t be starving in the New Jerusalem. There will be enough to be mildly prosperous, but there will be no rich men there. We will be doing simple craftsman jobs. Einstein said that in a previous life he had worked as a Jewish tailor. In the New Jerusalem, Einsteins will be born, but will mostly work at simple jobs. We’ll miss out on their scientific contributions. If Einstein had never existed, we would have missed out on the quantum leaps he made. But we have billions of years. There is no hurry. We’ll pick it all up eventually. But currently, as we head for the New Jerusalem, we’ll become too stupid to do much theoretical physics, etc. I want to say something to the suicide bombers, I want to tell you that I hear you loud and clear (pointing at the camera). You see that the West has violated the taboo, and you don’t with your burkas. Your mullahs have issued a directive that the West is the Great Satan. They were too timid. We’re in planetwide Hell, and that includes you in the Middle East. You Muslims see all the dolls here in Hell. I am on the case. I’m shortly going to remove them all. In the meantime, I ask you to lighten up and stop the bombings. And the carnage. What you’re after, I shortly will accomplish. Listen to me, suicide bombers! I am totally against your cause, but because I’m also a fanatic, I understand you’re mental makeup. Listen to me! I’m going to put the dolls to sleep, and solve the problem. Adolph Hitler had white armbands on his followers. By the way, while I’m speaking of him, he is an excellent candidate to be the Antichrist. He took the Christian cross and twisted it backward – the swastika. He was a total misfit, a homeless man who couldn’t get laid, like someone 2000 years ago. But unlike Jesus and I, Hitler turned to the darkside and served his master, Satan. He , unlike Jesus and I, got only halfway toward being a god. He was a demigod – half man and half god. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing, and he knew just enough to cause big trouble. . I happily have never personally been homeless. But I have been womanless all my life always, knowing that the woman who was meant for me has all this time been in the arms of another man. This has always been hard to take. Without a mate to help with the household chores, I neglected them. With the illness I have, I’m always preoccupied – always in a trance state. I have frequent out of body experiences, where I go off on extended voyages to other worlds. I don’t need a rocketship! I am in continual meditation, and doing the chores is an unwanted distraction. My house is pretty funky, and I am personally funky. You see the effects of this illness on the greasy, shabby clothes of the homeless. In my new position as head of state, I will be able to have butlers attend to my everyday chores. I will be privileged to stay in my trance state full time. . This is a fascist state as of this moment, in case you didn’t know. In fact, it is the dictatorship of the proletariat. It is rule by the meek, or, as Jesus said, ‘the last shall be first.’ I’m ready to rock and rule – a 1982 film. I’ m getting ready to hoist the Jolly Roger (skull and crossbones. – I hold up a Jolly Roger flag). This is our new national flag. This is a now pirate state – a rogue state. This nation is canceling it’s membership in a number of organizations. We are no longer a part of the United Nations, the World Trade Organization, the World Bank and many other organizations. We are abrogating numerous treaties, such as NAFTA. When the lease for renewal comes up, the U.N. will be kicked out of New York city and the U.S. With the armbands, everyone will see those recorded in the Book of Life everyday. These people are the Elect, and it has nothing to do with what they believe. I reward and punish you based solely on what you do in the bedroom. The armband wearers are declaring in public that their behavior in the bedroom is straight and narrow, as everyone’s always should be. Nothing else matters. As time goes by, you’ll be seeing more and more of the Elect. And over time, they will more and more assume positions of leadership – their rightful place. These Elect will form the new Ruling Class. They will form up my High Command, at my right hand side. By the time we get to the New Jerusalem centuries from now, we’ll remove the armbands, because everyone there will be recorded in the Book of Life! The last thing you think you want is a king But, it is mandatory to have a king, and he must have the power of life and death. It is my (God’s) mandate. The correct form of government is theocracy with God incarnate in the flesh as head, always a male virgin and totally mad. John of Patmos had prophesied that I will rule with a Rod of Iron. And I and all my successors will. The government of Tibet is structured like this with it’s Dali Lama. The way this works is: I only grant audience to those I summon. And you voluntarily decide whether to appear. I call on you, you don’t call on me. I hang ‘em high! You displease me, I execute you. All the democratic republics around the world have degenerated into chaos and anarchy. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty, and you have failed in your responsibility. You kissed off your republic in the sixties, when sexual immorality and orgies broke out. But it is true that once we get to the New Jerusalem, and we live in small settlements, there will likely be few kings. My religion is Christianity, but politically I have never been anything but a hard core communist. I’ll say more later about that. Every person in the Book of Life will wear their white armband whenever they’re out in the public. They are the virgins, those who have been chaste for more than five years, and all those who have been faithful to their spouses. I realize that some of the latter will be hypocrites, that in point of fact they have committed adultery but won’t admit it. I’m proud of the Catholics who, under severe pressure here in Hell, maintained the requirement that priests must be celibate. I said my father was a Baptist preacher. All versions of Protestantism, such as Baptists, Presbyterians, Methodists, etc., trace back to Martin Luther. He was a marvelous theologian with a strong hatred of the Devil. But what is the one thing about him that everyone in the audience knew as he was preaching in the pulpit? Everyone knew that he was a lapsed monk who married a former nun. He was getting his. He was getting laid. He can’t tell anyone anything. And neither can any Protestant minister. . Back to the armbands. No divorced people can wear armbands. Anyone who had had oral sex (Bill Clinton) is not a virgin. All children when they first begin to walk will wear the white armband. This way, everyone can see who is recorded in the Book of Life – the Elect. Whatever religious faith you believe in put on the armband. Put a gold cross for Christians, crescent for Muslims, Star of David for Jews, black 0 for atheists, hammer and sickle for Communists (I’m one of the last of them on the planet), question mark (?) for children, etc. Remember that Hitler had all Jews wear a yellow Star of David. They were thus labeled as outcast vermin on the bottom. Here those Jews eligible will wear the white armband to indicate that they are on top – the Elect. Again, ‘the last shall be first.’ In addition to a marker for their faith, virgins will have a V on their armband. Those with a V are eligible for my High Command. Those who are chaste will add a C. Those who’ve been faithful to their spouses will add M for married.
Instant Prophet
I can make anyone an instant 100% accurate prophet. What was the one thing that everyone knew in the Roman Empire at the time Jesus was preaching in Gallilee, even without newspapers? They all knew that in the Roman Cities, especially Rome itself, they were having fabulous orgies. The automatic consequence is that Rome was going to fall. And we have had even better, more astonishing orgies starting in the late sixties. The only thing that slowed it down somewhat was AIDS. The orgies held in Rome can’t hold a candle to the orgies we’ve had here. Thus, Western Civilization is toast. The horse (Western Civilization) we’re riding has keeled over. And there’s no use beating a dead horse. The writing’s on the wall! The moving finger has writ! Tis nothing less than the end of the world! The stars are falling out! As Chicken Little proclaims, ‘the sky is falling!’ Chicken Little is on movie screens November, 2005.
The Witches
I’m here on a mission. I’ve come to remove all the dolls! These are dreamgirls, and that is precisely where they should be. You should never be able to see them in flesh and blood. I’m going to put them in back your dreams where they belong. And after I remove them, you’ll dream about them at night – you’ll remember how gorgeous they looked and have wetdreams about them. I’m going to take them all back to where they came from – back to Witch Mountain. That’s their home – they like it there. And at night when the moon comes out, they’ll all strip naked, join hands in a circle, and do the moondance, the Witch’s Sabbat. I am going to make sure and keep them there once I have them there, and you’ll see no more dolls. This is a Witch Hunt! The one and only original Witch Hunt, and I’m the Witchfinder General! Let me be clear. I’m not talking about the little pagans or wiccans. There aren’t many of them, and they are all nitwits. They don’t have any power at all. If they were real witches they would recognize the millions of powerful witches, the dolls, we have here in Hell.
My Favorite Sport
Now I want to describe my favorite sport. It is the sport of aristocrats, the sport royalty, the sport of kings and the sport of Gods. This is how I did my magic act and raptured billions out. What I do is a dance. Quoting the song: ‘”I got a new dance, and it goes like this’” But actually, it’s an ancient dance going back to the Stone Age shamans. This is the dance that all native medicine men do. Let me give some names for my what I do: Rain Dancing, Rain Making, Doing The Swerve, Space Fucking, Fairy Fucking and finally the best and most descriptive name: Fairy Bowling. Feel free to practice this by yourself or in groups. Develop your own style. Have fun with it. I stand and start flipping, flinging, flipping, flinging, flipping. As a wizard, I’m going to call up a rainstorm, thunder and lightning (holding my arms up, I start flipping , flinging, flipping). This is the gesture that priests use when sprinkling holy water. I’m a thunder roarer! I get it working, get it working, flipping, flinging. What am I flipping? It never was about liquid H2O, water. What I am flipping is sperm. I get it working, working and after a while the slime starts flying here, there and everywhere. Eventually it starts raining men planetwide. My fellow mad people know about this rain that falls on a sunny day – a phrase from a rock lyric. The cliché bag lady who wears tin foil to protect herself knows about the lightning I send. Mad people use the metaphor of being struck by lightning or electricity. But it is just drops of jism. When you’re struck by jism, its hot and it sizzles, and you think of lightning or electricity. The idea is: in my mind’s eye, I see her. She’s miles away, and there is no phone line. But I’m going to let her know that she’s a gorgeous doll, and that I am the man she should be with,and not the man she is actually with. It’s a long distance love affair. I’m going to send a guided missile straight towards her – a cruise missile. She’s standing there as my cruise missile comes whipping towards her. Remember Lot’s wife in Sodom. She turned to stone – a pillar of salt. So the doll is standing there and Bam! – she’s hit on the head with the big wad of cum I sent her. Her eyes roll up until you see the whites. Her mouth drops open. She goes rigid and starts wobbling like a top -she turns to stone – and then Boom! She falls still rigid to the ground. (I crook my elbow and hold my arm up and clench my fist. I cup my arm in my other arm. Then I start wobbling my arm round and round until, finally, it goes flat). Fairy bowling! The idea of the sport is to see how many tenpins – dolls – you can knock over. I’m the best ever at the sport. I can knock over millions of dolls! Was I feeling any grief over the people I raptured out when I called up my storm? Not at all. They were all only devils here in Hell. They were all warned. Simply read the Book of Revelation. I and my angels have been blowing the horn repeatedly since the seventies and not a single one of you repented. But I did have two concerns with respect to my fulfilling John of Patmos’ promises. First, I’m an elderly geezer and my member doesn’t come up like it used to. I was concerned I would fizzle out and remove only a few million. That wouldn’t be enough to get you devils to change your behavior in the bedroom. John of Patmos had promised a quarter to a third of the planet raptured out. Secondly, when you call up a storm, there is always the danger that the wizard himself will get swept away, because it is uncontrollable and unpredictable. Happily, I made it through, so that I could fulfill John of Patmos’ promise that I would be standing here giving you the Great White Throne Judgment of the Dead.
Defeating the Whore of Babylon
The question of the evening is: Which man can bell the cat? Which brave hero can slay the dragon? Which man can defeat the Whore of Babylon? Which man can domesticate the Whore – pacify her and put her to sleep? Perceptive observers have noted that the Book of Revelation has the structure of a fairy tale. It is not a fairy tale is the sense of being a myth or being untrue. One part of the fairy tale is the fairy test: Which man can defeat the Whore of Babylon? Being a fairy test, if any man attempts and fails, the Whore gobbles you up and drinks your blood. Many men have tried, and all have been gobbled up by the Whore and had their blood drunk. The Whore is not a supernatural entity. She is simply the collection of all the dolls – all the millions of dolls. When you approach her, she’s gorgeous, and the first idea you have about how to pacify her is to unzip your pants and stick it in her. If you try this way, you loose, and she gobbles you up and drinks your blood. Instead, the way to defeat her is to keep your pants zipped up, raise you arm and slime her right between the eyes. Her eyes roll up till you can see the whites and her mouth drops open. You’ve put her under a spell, you’ve hypnotized her, she’s pacified. She goes to sleep. ‘Ding dong!, The Witch is dead, the Wicked Old Witch!’
Getting You To Change you Bedroom Behavior
Once we get to the New Jerusalem, everyone will know what everyone is doing in the bedroom. This is not your private affair, or your own personal business. It is vital that everyone knows exactly what everyone is doing in the bedroom. Adam and Eve fell, because they were ashamed of their private parts. We will not be ashamed of our private parts in the New Jerusalem. We are going to fall again, but into innocence this time. It will be public knowledge what we’re all doing in the bedroom. In the defunct Marxist states, everyone’s every movement was under constant surveillance. That was not what needed to be done. The only thing that must be monitored is what everyone must know precisely what everyone else is doing in the bedroom. Nothing else matters. It must be public knowledge This is what is not done here in the West. You may have a little knowledge about what your fellow workers are doing in bed, but overall you don’t know as much as you need to know. . I’m going to tell the same story three different ways. You are really going to have change your bedroom behavior.
Version 1: If you as a man walk into Sodom, where the one thing you’ve got is a woman (you can also have a man if that’s what you want). There is nothing else but total chaos and anarchy. If in this place you cannot get laid, then suddenly you become an extremely important person . Because all you have to do is get your willie working below your belt, and you can blow the place to smithereens! . Version 2: Don’t try to put me, God, in Hell. Don’t even think about it. Satan is my servant and not vice versa. If you do try, I ‘ll get my willie working below my belt and again blow the place to smithereens! . Version 3: This is the stupid version. My good man, your getting way to much. It’s good stuff. And you’ve got more than you can handle. I’m horny and I need a woman. You’ve lots of women and I have none. What are we going to do about it with me standing here? If you don’t get your dick straightened out, how about me ripping your lungs out, friend! I can’t stand it, and I won’t put up with it! Who is the most degenerate sex fiend on the planet? Satan is a notorious degenerate, but has access to all the most gorgeous dolls on the planet who are all in his service and at his beck and call. His lusts get slaked. For me it is water, water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.
I Must Rule!
I was born to rule, and this is what you must let me do. I came to power by blackmail. I raptured out the people to demonstrate my power (just like the madman is my all time favorite movie,- ‘The Brain from Planet Arous’) Like me, he was also a sex fiend. The blackmail was either I rule, or I remove lots more. I have an agenda. The planetwide New Exodus is here, and I’m going to lead you to the New Jerusalem. This process will take several centuries. I’ll say more later, but here’s an indication. The New Jerusalem is all the multimillion inhabitant cities in ruins, and there are be no longer any nation states, with the total population of the planet much less than one billion. No matter how much you may legitimately hate my guts, I must rule! And I have more blackmail so I can accomplish my mission. I am the only person on this planet that possesses the roadmap to the New Jerusalem. No one else has a si
“If they do not have an appreciation of whence we came, I doubt
they will have an appreciation of where we should be going.”
- Bryce’s Law
INTRODUCTION
I always find it amusing when I tell a young person in this industry that I
worked with punch cards and plastic templates years ago. Its kind of the
same dumbfounded look I get from my kids when I tell them we used to
watch black and white television with three channels, no remote control,
and station signoffs at midnight. It has been my observation that our younger
workers do not have a sense of history; this is particularly apparent in the
systems world. If they do not have an appreciation of whence we came,
I doubt they will have an appreciation of where we should be going. Consequently,
I have assembled the following chronology of events in the hopes this will provide
some insight as to how the systems industry has evolved to its current state.
I’m sure I could turn this into a lengthy dissertation but, instead, I will try
to be brief and to the point. Further, the following will have little concern
for academic developments but rather how systems have been implemented
in practice in the corporate world.
PRE-1950′S – “SYSTEMS AND PROCEDURES”
Perhaps the biggest revelation to our younger readers regarding this period
will be that there was any form of systems prior to the advent of the
computer. In fact, “Systems and Procedures” Departments predated the
computer by several years. Such departments would be concerned with the
design of major business processes using “work measurement” and “work
simplification” techniques as derived from Industrial Engineering. Such
processes were carefully designed using grid diagrams and flowcharts. There
was great precision in the design of forms to record data, filing systems to
manage paperwork, and the use of summary reports to act as control
points in systems. For example, spreadsheets have been extensively used
for many years prior to the introduction of Lotus 1-2-3 or MS Excel. There was
also considerable attention given to human behavior during the business
process (the precursor to “ergonomics”).
Systems were initially implemented by paper and pencil using ledgers, journals
(logs), indexes, and spreadsheets. We have always had some interesting filing
systems, everything from cards and folders, to storage cabinets.
Perhaps the earliest mechanical device was the ancient abacus used for simple
math (which is still used even to this day). The late 1800’s saw the advent of cash
registers and adding machines as popularized by such companies as NCR in
Dayton, Ohio under John Patterson who also introduced sweeping changes in
terms of dress and business conduct. This was adopted by Thomas Watson, Sr.
who worked for many years at NCR and carried forward these practices to IBM
and the rest of the corporate world. Also, Burroughs was a major player in
the early adding machine industry.
The first typewriters were also introduced in the late 1800’s which had a tremendous
effect on correspondence and order processing. This was led primarily by Remington
Arms (later to become Remington Rand).
In the early 1900’s, tabulating equipment was introduced to support such things
as census counting. This was then widely adopted by corporate America. Occasionally
you will run into old-timers who can describe how they could program such machines
using plug boards. Punch card sorters were added as an adjunct to tabulating
equipment.
As a footnote, most of what IBM’s Watson learned about business was from
his early days at NCR. However, he had a falling out with Patterson who fired
him. As a small bit of trivia, after Watson died, he was buried in Dayton on a
hilltop overlooking NCR headquarters, the company he couldn’t conquer.
During World War II, both the U.S. military and industrial complex relied heavily
on manually implemented systems. We did it so well that many people, including
the Japanese, contend it gave the Allies a competitive edge during the war.
The lesson here, therefore, is that manually implemented systems have been with
us long before the computer and are still with us today. To give you a sense of
history in this regard, consider one of our more popular Bryce’s Laws:
“The first on-line, real-time, interactive, data base system was double-entry
bookkeeping which was developed by the merchants of Venice in 1200 A.D.”
One major development in this area was the work of Leslie “Les” Matthies, the
legendary Dean of Systems. Les graduated from the University of California at
Berkeley during the Depression with a degree in Journalism. Being a writer, he
tried his hand at writing Broadway plays. But work was hard to come by during
this period and when World War II broke out, Les was recruited by an aircraft
manufacturer in the midwest to systematize the production of aircraft. Relying
on his experience as a writer, he devised the “Playscript” technique for writing
procedures. Basically, Les wrote a procedure like a script to a play; there was a
section to identify the procedure along with its purpose; a “Setup” section to identify
the forms and files to be used during it; and an “Operations/Instructions” section
which described the “actors” to perform the tasks using verbs and nouns
to properly state each operation. He even went so far as to devise rules for
writing “If” statements.
For details on “Playscript,” see “PRIDE” Special Subject Bulletin
No. 38 – “The Language of Systems” – Aug. 22, 2005
http://www.phmainstreet.com/mba/ss050822.pdf
“Playscript” became a powerful procedure writing language and was used
extensively throughout the world. It is still an excellent way to write procedures
today. Ironically, Les did not know what a profound effect his technique would
have later on in the development of computer programs.
1950′S – INTRODUCTION OF THE COMPUTER
Yes, I am aware that the ENIAC was developed for the military at the end
of World War II. More importantly, the UNIVAC I (UNIVversal Automatic Computer)
was introduced in 1951 by J. Presper Eckert and John Mauchly. The UNIVAC I
was a mammoth machine that was originally developed for the U.S. Bureau of
the Census. Corporate America took notice of the computer and companies
such as DuPont in Wilmington, Delaware began to lineup to experiment with
it for commercial purposes. The Remington Rand Corporation sponsored the
project, but the company’s focus and name eventually changed to “UNIVAC”
(today it is referred to as “UNISYS,” representing a merger of UNIVAC with
Burroughs).
The UNIVAC I offered a sophistication unmatched by other manufacturers,
most notably IBM’s Mach I tabulating equipment. This caused IBM to invent
the 701 and its 700 series. Other manufacturers quickly joined the fray and
computing began to proliferate. Although UNIVAC was the pioneer in this
regard, they quickly lost market share due to the marketing muscle of
IBM. For quite some time the industry was referred to as “IBM & the
BUNCH” (Burroughs, UNIVAC, NCR, CDC, and Honeywell).
Programming the early machines was difficult as it was performed in a
seemingly cryptic Machine Language (the first generation language). This
eventually gave way to the Assembly Language (the second generation
language) which was easier to read and understand. Regardless, many of
the utilities we take for granted today (e.g., sorts and merges) simply were
not available and had to be developed. In other words, programming was a
laborious task during this period.
Recognizing both the limitations and potential of the computer, the 1950’s
represented the age of experimentation for corporate America. Here, the
emphasis was not on implementing major systems through the computer,
but rather to develop an assortment of programs to test the machine as a
viable product. As such, programmers were considered odd characters who
maintained “the black box,” and were not yet considered a part of the
mainstream of systems development. The “Systems and Procedures
Departments” still represented the lion’s share of systems work in corporate
America, with an occasional foray to investigate the use of the computer.
The computer people were segregated into “computer departments”
(later to be known as “EDP” or “Data Processing” departments).
1960’s – MANAGEMENT INFORMATION SYSTEMS
Competition between computer manufacturers heated up during this
decade, resulting in improvements in speed, capacity, and capabilities.
Of importance here was the introduction of the much touted IBM 360
(the number was selected to denote it was a comprehensive solution -
360 degrees). Other computer vendors offered products with comparable
performance, if not more so, but the IBM 360 was widely adopted by
corporate America.
The programming of computers was still a difficult task and, consequentially,
Procedural Languages were introduced (the third generation languages). In
actuality, these languages got their start in the late 1950’s, but the proliferation
of computers in the 1960’s triggered the adoption of procedural languages such
as COBOL, FORTRAN, and PL/1. Interestingly, these languages were patterned
after Les Matthies’ “Playscript” technique which made active use of verbs,
nouns, and “if” statements.
The intent of the Procedural Languages was twofold: to simplify programming
by using more English-like languages, and; to create universal languages
that would cross hardware boundaries. The first goal was achieved, the
second was not. If the languages were truly universal, it would mean that
software would be portable across all hardware configurations. Manufacturers
saw this as a threat; making software truly portable made the selection of
hardware irrelevant and, conceivably, customers could migrate away from
computer vendors. In order to avoid this, small nuances were introduced
to the compilers for the Procedural Languages thereby negating the concept
of portability. This issue would be ignored for many years until the advent
of the Java programming language.
The 1960’s also saw the introduction of the Data Base Management System
(DBMS). Such products were originally designed as file access methods for
Bill of Materials Processing (BOMP) as used in manufacturing. The “DBMS”
designation actually came afterwards. Early pioneers in this area included
Charlie Bachman of G.E. with his Integrated Data Store (IDS) which
primarily operated under Honeywell GCOS configurations; Tom Richley
of Cincom Systems developed TOTAL for Champion Paper, and; IBM’s BOMP
and DBOMP products. In 1969, IBM introduced IMS which became their
flagship DBMS product for several years.
With the exception of IMS, the early DBMS offerings were based on a
network model which performed chain-processing. IMS, on the other
hand, was a hierarchical model involving tree-processing.
Realizing that programming and data access was becoming easier and
computer performance being enhanced, companies now wanted to capitalize
on this technology. As a result, corporate America embarked on the era
of “Management Information Systems” (MIS) which were large systems
aimed at automating business processes across the enterprise. These were
major system development efforts that challenged both management and
technical expertise.
It was the MIS that married “Systems and Procedures” departments with
computing/EDP departments and transformed the combined organization into
the “MIS” department. This was a major milestone in the history of systems. The
systems people had to learn about computer technology and the programmers
had to learn about business systems.
Recognizing that common data elements were used to produce the various
reports produced from an MIS, it started to become obvious that data should
be shared and reused in order to eliminate redundancy, and to promote
system integration and consistent data results. Consequently, Data Management
(DM) organizations were started, the first being the Quaker Oats Company in
Chicago, Illinois in 1965. The original DM organizations were patterned after
Inventory Control Departments where the various components were uniquely
identified, shared and cross-referenced. To assist in this regard, such organizations
made use of the emerging DBMS technology. Unfortunately, many DM
organizations lost sight of their original charter and, instead, became obsessed
with the DBMS. Data as used and maintained outside of the computer was
erroneously considered irrelevant. Even worse, the DBMS was used as
nothing more than an elegant access method by programmers. Consequently,
data redundancy plagued systems almost immediately and the opportunity to
share and reuse data was lost. This is a serious problem that persists in
companies to this day.
1970’s – AWAKENING
Although the MIS movement was noble and ambitious in intent, it floundered
due to the size and complexity of the task at hand. Many MIS projects suffered
from false starts and botched implementations. This resulted in a period where
a series of new methods, tools and techniques were introduced to reign in these
huge development efforts.
The first was the introduction of the “methodology” which provided a road map
or handbook on how to successfully implement systems development
projects. This was pioneered by MBA with its “PRIDE” methodology in
1971. Although the forte of “PRIDE” was how to build systems, it was initially
used for nothing more than documentation and as a means to manage projects.
Following “PRIDE” was John Toellner’s Spectrum I methodology and SDM/70
from Atlantic Software. Several CPA based methodologies followed thereafter.
Also during this time, mainframe based Project Management Systems were
coming into vogue including Nichols N5500, PAC from International Systems,
and PC/70 from Atlantic Software.
The early methodologies and Project Management Systems give evidence of
the orientation of systems departments of that time: a heavy emphasis on Project
Management. Unfortunately, it was a fallacy that Project Management was
the problem; instead people simply didn’t know how to design and build
systems in a uniform manner. As companies eventually learned, Project
Management is useless without a clear road map for how to build something.
In the mid-to-late 1970’s several papers and books were published on how
to productively design software thus marking the beginning of the “Structured
Programming” movement. This was a large body of work that included such
programming luminaries as Barry Boehm, Frederick P. Brooks, Larry Constantine,
Tom DeMarco, Edsger Dijkstra, Chris Gane, Michael A. Jackson, Donald E. Knuth,
Glenford J. Myers , Trish Sarson, Jean Dominique Warnier, Generald M. Weinberg,
Ed Yourdon, as well as many others. Although their techniques were found
useful for developing software, it led to confusion in the field differentiating
between systems and software. To many, they were synonymous. In reality,
they are not. Software is subordinate to systems, but the growing emphasis
on programming was causing a change in perspective.
The only way systems communicate internally or externally to other systems
is through shared data; it is the cohesive bond that holds systems (and software)
together. This resulted in the introduction of Data Dictionary technology. Again,
this was pioneered by MBA with its “PRIDE” methodology (which included a manually
implemented Data Dictionary) and later with its “PRIDE”-LOGIK product in
1974. This was followed by Synergetics’ Data Catalogue, Data Manager from
Management Software Products (MSP), and Lexicon by Arthur Andersen & Company.
The intent of the Data Dictionaries was to uniquely identify and track where
data was used in a company’s systems. They included features for maintaining
documentation, impact analysis (to allow the studying of a proposed change),
and redundancy checks. “PRIDE”-LOGIK had the added nuance of cataloging
all of the systems components, thereby making it an invaluable aid for
design and documentation purposes.
The Data Dictionary was also a valuable tool for controlling DBMS products
and, as such, several adjunct products were introduced, such as UCC-10,
DB/DC Data Dictionary, and the Integrated Data Dictionary (IDD) from
Cullinet. Unlike the other general purpose Data Dictionaries, these products
were limited to the confines of the DBMS and didn’t effectively track data
outside of their scope.
DBMS packages proliferated during this period with many new products
being introduced including ADABAS, Image, Model 204, and IDMS from
Cullinet (which was originally produced at BF Goodrich). All were based
on the network-model for file access which was finally adopted as an
industry standard (CODASYl).
There were a few other notable innovations introduced, including IBM’s
Business Systems Planning (BSP) which attempted to devise a plan for
the types of systems a company needed to operate. Several other comparable
offerings were introduced shortly thereafter. Interestingly, many companies
invested heavily in developing such systems plans, yet very few actually
implemented them.
Program Generators were also introduced during this period. This included
report writers that could interpret data and became a natural part of the
repertoire of DBMS products. It also included products that could generate
program source code (COBOL predominantly) from specifications. This
included such products as System-80 (Phoenix Systems), GENASYS (Generation
Sciences), and JASPOL (J-Sys of Japan), to mention but a few.
MBA also introduced a generator of its own in 1979 – a Systems generator
initially named ADF (Automated Design Facility) which could automatically
design whole systems, complete with an integrated data base. Based on
information requirements submitted by a Systems Analyst, ADF interacted
with the “PRIDE”-LOGIK Data Dictionary to design new systems and, where
appropriate modify existing systems. Because of its link to LOGIK, ADF
emphasized the need to share and reuse information resources. Not only
was it useful as a design tool but it was a convenient tool for documenting
existing systems. The only drawback to ADF was that the mindset of the
industry was shifting from systems to software. Consequently, program
generators captured the imagination of the industry as opposed to ADF.
The increase in computer horsepower, coupled with new programming
tools and techniques, caused a shift in perspective in MIS organizations. Now,
such departments became dominated by programmers, not systems people. It
was here that the job titles “Systems Analyst” and “Programmer” were married
to form a new title of “Programmer/Analyst” with the emphasis being on
programming and not on front-end systems design. Many managers falsely
believed that developers were not being productive unless they were
programming. Instead of “Ready, Aim, Fire,” the trend became “Fire, Aim,
Ready.”
Data Management organizations floundered during this period with the
exception of Data Base Administrators (DBA’s) who were considered the
handmaidens of the DBMS.
The proliferation of software during this decade was so great that it
gave rise to the packaged software industry. This went far beyond
computer utilities and programming tools. It included whole systems
for banking, insurance and manufacturing. As a result, companies were
inclined to purchase and install these systems as opposed to reinventing
the wheel. Among their drawbacks though was that they normally required
tailoring to satisfy the customer’s needs which represented modification to the
program source code. Further, the customer’s data requirements had to
be considered to assure there were no conflicts in how the customer
used and assigned data. After the package had been installed, the
customer was faced with the ongoing problem of modifying and enhancing
the system to suit their ever-changing needs.
1980’s – THE TOOL-ORIENTED APPROACH
As big iron grew during the 1960’s and 1970’s, computer manufacturers
identified the need for smaller computers to be used by small to medium-sized
businesses. In the 1970’s, people were skeptical of their usefulness but
by the 1980’s their power and sophistication caused the “mini” computer
to gain in popularity as either a general purpose business machine or dedicated
to a specific system. Among the most popular of the “mini” computers were:
IBM’s System 36/38 series (which led to the AS/400)
DEC PDP Series (which gave way to the DEC VAX/VMS)
Hewlett-Packard’s HP-3000 series with MPE
Data General Eclipse series with AOS
PRIME
The competition was fierce in the “mini” market which resulted in
considerable product improvements and better value to the customer.
Instrumental to the success of the mini was the adoption of UNIX as
developed by Bell Labs, a powerful multi-user, multitasking operating system
that eventually was adopted by most, if not all, mini manufacturers.
But the major development in computer hardware was not the mainframe,
nor the mini; it was the “micro” computer which was first popularized by
Apple in the late 1970’s. IBM countered with the its Personal Computer (PC)
in the early 1980’s. At first, the micro was considered nothing more than
a curiosity but it quickly gained in popularity due to its inexpensive cost,
and a variety of “apps” for word processing, spreadsheets, graphics, and
desktop publishing. This caught on like wildfire as micros spread through
corporate desktops like the plague.
By the mid-1980’s the “micro” (most notably the PC) had gained in power
and sophistication. So much so, that a series of graphical based products
were used for software development in support of the Structured Programming
movement of the 1970’s. Such tools were dubbed “CASE” (Computer Aided
Software Engineering) which allowed developers to draw their favorite software
diagramming technique without pencil and paper. Early CASE pioneers
included Index Technology, Knowledgeware, Visible Systems, Texas
Instruments, and Nastec, as well as many others. CASE tools took the industry
by storm with just about every MIS organization purchasing a copy either for
experimental use or for full application development. As popular as the tools
were initially, there is little evidence they produced any major systems but,
instead, helped in the design of a single program.
Recognizing the potential of the various CASE tools, IBM in the late
1980’s devised an integrated development environment that included IBM’s
products as well as third parties, and entitled it “AD/Cycle.” However, IBM
quickly ran into problems with the third party vendors in terms of agreeing
on technical standards that would enable an integrated environment. Consequently,
the product ran aground not long after it was launched. In fact, the
prosperity of the CASE market was short-lived as customers failed to realize
the savings and productivity benefits as touted by the vendors. By the
early 1990’s, the CASE market was in sharp decline.
Instead, companies turned to Programmer Workbenches which included
an all-in-one set of basic tools for programming, such as editing, testing,
and debugging. Microsoft and Micro Focus did particularly well in offering
such products.
Data Base Management Systems also took a noticeable turn in the 1980’s
with the advent of “relational” products involving tables and keys. The
concept of the “relational” model was originally developed by IBM
Fellow and mathematician Edgar (Ted) Codd in a paper from 1970. The concept
of a relational DBMS was superior to the earlier network and hierarchical
models in terms of ease of use. The problem resided in the amount of
computer horsepower needed to make it work, a problem that was
overcome by the 1980’s. As a result. new DBMS products such as Oracle and
Ingres were introduced which quickly overtook their older competitors. There
was an initial effort to convert DBMS mainstays such as TOTAL, ADABAS, and
IDMS into relational products, but it was too little, too late. As for IBM,
they simply re-labeled their flagship product, IMS, as a “transaction processor”
and introduced a totally new offering, DB2, which quickly dominated the
DBMS mainframe market.
Program generators continued to do well during the 1980’s but it was during
this period that 4GL’s (fourth generation languages) were introduced to
expedite programming. The 4GL was a natural extension of the DBMS and
provided a convenient means to develop programs to interpret data in the
data base.
Another development worth noting is the evolution of the Data Dictionary
into “Repositories” (also referred to as “Encyclopedias”) used to store the
descriptions of all of an organization’s information resources. One of the
motivating factors behind this was IBM (for AD/Cycle) who realized they
needed some sort of cohesive bond for the various CASE tools to interface. This
is another area pioneered by MBA who introduced their “PRIDE”-Enterprise
Engineering Methodology (EEM) to study a business and formulate an
Enterprise Information Strategy, and their “PRIDE”-Data Base Engineering
Methodology (DBEM) to develop the corporate data base, both logically
and physically. To implement these new methodologies, their
“PRIDE”-LOGIK Dictionary was expanded to include business models, and
data models. By doing so, MBA renamed “PRIDE”-LOGIK the “PRIDE”-IRM
(Information Resource Manager) which complemented their concept of
Information Resource Management.
In terms of the MIS infrastructure, two noteworthy changes occurred;
first was the introduction of the Chief Information Officer (CIO) as first
described in the popular book, “Information Systems Management In Practice”
(McNurlin, Sprague) in January 1986. Basically, the MIS Director is elevated
to a higher management level where, theoretically, he/she is operating on the
same level as the Chief Operating Officer (COO), and Chief Financial Officer
(CFO) for a company. In reality, this has never truly happened and, in many
cases, the title “CIO” is nothing more than a change in name, not in stature.
The second change is the change in job title of “Programmer” to “Software
Engineer.” Again, we are primarily talking about semantics. True, many
of the programmers of the 1980’s studied Structured Programming, but
very few truly understood the nature of engineering as it applies to
software, most are just glorified coders. Nonetheless, the “Software
Engineer” title is still actively used today. In contrast, the last of the
true “Systems Analysts” slowly disappeared. Here too is evidence of
the change of focus from systems to software.
During the 1980’s we also saw the emergence of MBA’s graduating from
the business schools and working their way into the corporate landscape. Although
they didn’t have an immediate impact on the systems world, they had a dramatic
effect on the corporate psyche. Their work resulted in severe corporate cutbacks,
downsizing, and outsourcing. This changed the corporate mindset to think
short-term as opposed to long-term. Following this, companies shied away from
major systems projects (such as the MIS projects of the 1960’s) and were content
tackling smaller programmer assignments, thus the term “app” was coined to
describe a single program application.
Interestingly, a “quality” movement flourished in the 1980’s based on the
works of W. Edwards Deming and Joseph M. Juran who pioneered quality
control principles in the early part of the 20th century. Unfortunately, their
early work was unappreciated in America and, consequently, they applied
their talents to help rebuild the industrial complex of postwar Japan. It was
only late in their lives did they receive the recognition of their work in the
United States (after Japan became an economic powerhouse). Another
influential factor was the introduction of the ISO 9000 standard for quality
management which was originally devised by the British and later adopted as
an international standard. Little attention would probably have been paid to
ISO 9000 if it weren’t for the fact that European businesses started to demand
compliance in order to conduct business with their companies.
Nevertheless, these factors resulted in a reorientation of American
businesses to think in terms of developing quality products which,
inevitably, affected how systems and software were produced. The real impact
of the quality movement though wouldn’t be felt in the systems world until
the next decade.
To summarize the 1980’s from a systems development perspective, the focus
shifted away from major systems to smaller programming assignments which
were implemented using newly devised CASE tools. This fostered a “tool-oriented
approach” to development whereby companies spent considerably on the
latest programming tools but little on management and upfront systems
work. In other words, they bought into the vendor’s claims of improved
programmer productivity through the use of tools. Unfortunately, it resulted
in patchwork systems that required more time in maintenance as opposed to
modifying or improving systems. “Fire fighting” thereby became the normal
mode of operation in development.
1990’s – REDISCOVERY
As the PC gained in stature, networking became very important to
companies so that workers could collaborate and communicate on a
common level. Local Area Networks (LAN) and Wide Area Networks (WAN)
seemed to spring-up overnight. As the PC’s power and capacity grew, it
became obvious that companies no longer needed the burden of mainframes
and minis. Instead, dedicated machines were developed to control and
share computer files, hence the birth of “client/server computing” where
client computers on a network interacted with file servers. This did not
completely negate the need for mainframes and minis (which were also
used as file servers), but it did have a noticeable impact on sales. Companies
still needed mainframes to process voluminous transactions and extensive
number-crunching, but the trend was to move away from big iron.
Thanks to the small size of the PC, companies no longer required a big
room to maintain the computer. Instead, computers were kept
in closets and under desks. This became so pervasive that companies no
longer knew where their computer rooms were anymore. In a way, the
spread of computers and networks closely resembled the nervous system
of the human body.
One of the key elements that made this all possible was the introduction
of Intel’s 30386 (or “386″) chip which allowed 32-bit processing. To effectively
use this new technology, new operating systems had to be introduced, the
first being IBM’s OS/2 in the late 1980’s. OS/2 provided such things as
virtual memory, multitasking and multithreading, network connectivity,
crash-protection, a new High Performance File System, and a slick object
oriented desktop. Frankly, there was nothing else out there that could
match it. Unfortunately, Microsoft bullied its way past OS/2 with
Windows 95 & NT. By the end of the 1990’s, OS/2 was all but forgotten
by its vendor, IBM. Nevertheless, it was the advent of 32-bit computing
that truly made client/server computing a reality.
Another major milestone during this decade was the adoption of the
Internet by corporate America. The Internet actually began in the late
1960’s under the Department of Defense and was later opened to other
government and academic bodies. But it wasn’t until the 1990’s that
companies started to appreciate the Internet as a communications and
marketing medium.
The first web browser was developed by Tim Berners-Lee in 1990 which
led to the World Wide Web protocol on the Internet. Early web browsers
included Mosaic, Netscape Navigator, and Microsoft’s Internet Explorer,
among others. The beauty of the Internet was that all computers could
now access the Internet regardless of the operating system, making it a
truly universal approach to accessing data. To write a web page, a simple
tag language was devised, Hyper Text Markup Language (HTML), which was
compiled at time of request to display the web page. HTML was nice for
developing simple static web pages (not much interaction, just simply view the
web page). Developers then invented new techniques to make a web page
more dynamic thereby allowing people to input data and interact with files,
which ultimately allowed for the merchandising of products over the Internet.
Wanting to do something more sophisticated through the web browser,
Sun Microsystems developed the Java programming language in 1995. Java
was a universal programming language that could run under any operating
system. Their mantra was “Write once, run anywhere.” This was a radical
departure from programming in the past where it was necessary to recompile
programs to suit the peculiarities of a particular operating system. Basically,
Java made the operating system irrelevant, much to Microsoft’s chagrin. Further,
Java could be used in small pocket devices as well as in the new generation
of computers powering automobiles. This did not sit well with Microsoft who
ultimately fought the propagation of Java.
By the 1990’s the Structured Programming movement had fizzled out. Instead,
“Object Oriented Programming” (OOP) gained in popularity. The concept of OOP
was to develop bundles of code to model real-world entities such as customers,
products, and transactions. OOP had a profound effect on Java as well as the
C++ programming language.
During this time, source code generators faded from view. True, companies were
still using report writers and 4GL’s, but the emphasis turned to “Visual Programming”
which were programming workbenches with screen painting tools to layout
inputs and outputs.
The Relational DBMS movement was still in high gear, but the use of Repositories
and Data Dictionaries dropped off noticeably. Of interest though was the
introduction of “Object Oriented Data Base Management System” (OODBMS)
technology. Like OOP, data was organized in a DBMS according to real-world
entities. Regardless, Relational DBMS dominated the field.
Also during this decade “Data Mining” became popular whereby companies were
provided tools to harvest data from their DBMS. This effort was basically an admission
that companies should learn to live with data redundancy and not be concerned
with developing a managed data base environment.
Because of the radical changes in computer hardware and software, companies became
concerned with their aging “legacy” systems as developed over the last thirty years. To
migrate to this new technology, a movement was created called “Business Process
Re-engineering” (BPR). This was encouraging in the sense that companies were
starting to think again in terms of overall business systems as opposed to just
programs. I’m not sure I agree with the use of the term “Re-engineering” though;
this assumes that something was engineered in the first place (which was hardly the
case in these older systems).
Nonetheless, CASE-like tools were introduced to define business processes. Suddenly,
companies were talking about such things as “work flows,” “ergonomics,” and
“flowcharts,” topics that had not been discussed for twenty years during the frenzy of
the Structured Programming movement. Ultimately, this all led to the rediscovery of
systems analysis; that there was more to systems than just software. But by this time,
all of the older corporate Systems Analysts had either retired or been put out to pasture,
leaving a void in systems knowledge. Consequently, the industry started to relearn
the systems theory, with a lot of missteps along the way.
Companies at this time were still struggling with devising a suitable development
environment. Most were content with just maintaining their current systems
in anticipation of the pending Y2K (Year 2000) problem (where date fields were to
change from 19XX to 20XX which could potentially shutdown companies). However,
a few companies began to consider how to apply more scientific principles to the
production of systems. Since people were already talking about “Software
Engineering,” why not apply engineering/manufacturing principles to the
development of total systems?
Back in the early 1980’s, Japan’s Ministry of International Trade & Industry (MITI)
coordinated a handful of Japanese computer manufacturers in establishing a
special environment for producing system software, such as operating systems
and compilers. This effort came to be known as Japanese “Software Factories”
which captured the imagination of the industry. Although the experiment
ended with mixed results, they discovered organization and discipline
could dramatically improve productivity.
Why the experiment? Primarily because the Japanese recognized there are
fundamentally two approaches to manufacturing anything: “one at a time” or
mass production. Both are consistent approaches that can produce a high
quality product. The difference resides in the fact that mass production offers
increased volume at lower costs. In addition, workers can be easily trained
and put into production. On the other hand, the “one at a time” approach is
slower and usually has higher costs. It requires workers to be intimate with
all aspects of the product.
MBA took it a step further by introducing their concept of an “Information
Factory” in the early 1990’s. The Information Factory was a comprehensive
development environment which implemented MBA’s concept of Information
Resource Management. Basically, they drew an analogy between developing
systems to an engineering/manufacturing facility, complete with assembly lines,
materials management and production control. These concepts were proven
effective in companies throughout Japan, most notably Japan’s BEST project,
which was sponsored by the Ministry of Finance. As background, the ministry
wanted to leapfrog the west in terms of banking systems. To do so, they
assembled a team of over 200 analysts and programmers from four of the top
trust banks in Japan; Yasuda Trust & Banking, Mitsubishi Trust & Banking,
Nippon Trust & Banking, and Chuo Trust & Banking. By implementing MBA’s
concepts they were able to deliver over 70 major integrated systems in less
than three years. Further, because they had control over their information
resources using a materials management philosophy, the Y2K problem
never surfaced.
In terms of infrastructure, development organizations essentially went
unchanged with a CIO at the top of the pyramid and supported by
Software Engineers and DBA’s. But there was one slight difference,
instead of being called an MIS or IS department, the organization was
now referred to as “IT” (Information Technology). Here again, the name hints
at the direction most organizations were taking.
Finally, the 1990’s marked a change in the physical appearance of
the work force. Formal suit and ties gave way to casual Polo shirts and
Docker pants. At first, casual attire was only allowed on certain days
(such as Fridays), but it eventually became the normal mode of dress. Unfortunately,
many people abused the privilege and dressed slovenly for work. This had
a subtle but noticeable effect on work habits, including how we build systems.
2000’s – GADGETS
We are now past the halfway point in this decade and there is nothing of
substance to report in terms of computer hardware, other than our machines
have gotten faster, smaller, with even more capacity. Perhaps the biggest innovation
in this regard is the wide variety of “gadgets” that have been introduced, all of
which interface with the PC, including: Personal Digital Assistants (PDA’s), iPods,
MP3 players, digital cameras, portable CD/DVD players (and burners), cell phones,
PS2 and XBox game players. These devices are aimed at either communications or
entertainment, giving us greater mobility, yet making us a bit dysfunctional
socially. All of this means the computer has become an integral part of
our lives, not just at work but at home as well.
Shortly after taking the reigns of IBM in 2003, CEO Sam Palmisano introduced
“On-Demand Computing” as the company’s thrust for the years ahead and, inevitably,
it will mark his legacy. The concept as described by Palmisano was simple,
treat computing like a public utility whereby a company can draw upon IBM for
computing resources as required. “On-Demand Computing” made a nice
catch-phrase and was quickly picked up by the press, but many people
were at a loss as to what it was all about. Some of the early developments
resulting from IBM’s “e-Business On Demand” research included balancing the load
on file servers, which makes sense. But IBM is carrying the analogy perhaps
too far by stressing that “on demand” is the manner by which companies should
run in the future. Basically, the theory suggests we abandon capacity planning
and rely on outside vendors to save the day. Further, it implies computers
supersede the business systems they are suppose to serve. Instead of
understanding the systems which runs a business, just throw as much computer
resources as you need to solve a problem. This is like putting the cart before
the horse.
The “on-demand” movement has evolved into “Service Oriented Architectures”
(SOA) where vendors are introducing “on-demand” applications that will take
care of such tasks as payroll, marketing, etc. through the Internet. Again, it all
sounds nice, but as far as I can see, this is essentially no different than service
bureaus like ADP who for years provided such processing facilities. Now,
companies are being asked to swap out their internal programs for third party
products. I fail to see how this is different than buying any other packaged
solution, other than an outsider will be taking care of your software.
The need to build software faster has reached a feverish pitch. So much so,
full-bodied development methodologies have been abandoned in favor of
what is called “Agile” or “Extreme Programming” which are basically
quick and dirty methods for writing software using power programming
tools. To their credit, those touting such approaches recognize this is limited
to software (not total systems) and is not a substitute for a comprehensive
methodology. Agile/Extreme Programming is gaining considerable attention
in the press.
Next, we come to “Enterprise Architecture” which is derived from a paper
written by IBM’s John A. Zachman who observed that it was possible to apply
architectural principles to the development of systems. This is closely
related to consultants who extoll the virtues of capturing “business rules”
which is essentially a refinement of the Entity Relationship (ER) Diagramming
techniques popularized a decade earlier using CASE tools.
As in the 1990’s, concepts such as “Enterprise Architecture” and “business rules”
is indicative of the industry trying to reinvent systems theory.
CONCLUSIONS
Like computer hardware, the trend over the last fifty years in systems
development is to think smaller. Developers operate in a mad frenzy to
write programs within a 90 day time frame. Interestingly, they all know that
their corporate systems are large, yet they are content to attack them one
program at a time. Further, there seems to be little concern that their work
be compatible with others and that systems integration is someone else’s
problem. Often you hear the excuse, “We don’t have time to do things
right.” Translation: “We have plenty of time to do things wrong.” Any shortcut
to get through a project is rationalized and any new tool promising improved
productivity is purchased. When companies attempt to tackle large systems
(which is becoming rare) it is usually met with disaster. Consequently, companies
are less confident in their abilities and shy away from large system development
projects.
Corporate management is naive in terms of comprehending the value of
information and have not learned how to use it for competitive advantage
(unlike their foreign competitors). Further, they are oblivious to the problems in
systems development. They believe their systems are being developed with a high
degree of craftsmanship, that they are integrated, and that they are easy to maintain
and update. Executives are shocked when they discover this is not the case.
The problems with systems today are no different than fifty years ago:
End-user information requirements are not satisfied.
Systems lack documentation, making maintenance and upgrades difficult.
Systems lack integration.
Data redundancy plaques corporate data bases.
Projects are rarely delivered on time and within budget.
Quality suffers.
Development personnel are constantly fighting fires.
The backlog of improvements never seems to diminish, but rather increases.
Although the computer provides mechanical leverage for implementing
systems, it has also fostered a tool-oriented approach to systems development. Instead
of standing back and looking at our systems from an engineering/manufacturing
perspective, it is seemingly easier and less painful to purchase a tool to solve a
problem. This is like taking a pill when surgery is really required. What is
needed is less tools and more management. If we built bridges the same way
we build systems in this country, this would be a nation run by ferryboats.
The impact of the computer was so great on the systems industry that it
elevated the stature of programmers and forced systems people to near
extinction. Fortunately, the industry has discovered that there is more
to systems than just programming and, as a result, is in the process of
rediscovering basic systems theory. Some of the ideas being put forth are truly
imaginative, others are nothing more than extensions of programming theory,
and others are just plain humbug. In other words, the systems world is still going
through growing pains much like an adolescent who questions things and learns
to experiment.
I have been very fortunate to see a lot of this history first hand. I have
observed changes not just in terms of systems and computers, but also
how the trade press has evolved and the profession in general. It
has been an interesting ride.
Throughout all of this, there have been some very intelligent people who
have impacted the industry, there have also been quite a few charlatans,
but there has only been a handful of true geniuses, one of which was
Robert W. Beamer who passed away just a couple of years ago. Bob
was the father of ASCII code, without which we wouldn’t have the computers
of today, the Internet, the billions of dollars owned by Bill Gates, or
this document.
About the Author
Tim Bryce is the Managing Director of M. Bryce & Associates (MBA) of Palm Harbor, Florida and has 30 years of experience in the field. He is available for training and consulting on an international basis.
He can be contacted at: timb001@phmainstreet.com
